So even though the whole job search/repeat rejection is a hoot of fun...I have to find something else to do before I go stir crazy. Seriously, why does my job search feel like I'm that uncoordinated kid that gets pick last in sports? There I am with my resume in hand standing in the line like pick me, pick me. Kickin rocks with my shoes as the line dwindles and Im still there...waiting.
Technically, I'm a "writer" but I feel some hestitation in claiming that title because I have yet to have a published collection of my work on the shelves...except for some magazine articles. Its probably the fear of rejection, its rather hard to put yourself out there for critique when you are your worst critic. Now I know, how else do I expect to get put out there unless I put myself out there but rejection is something that has always been hard for me.
I have time on my hands...so to speak, so what better time than to build my jewelry inventory and work on a book. Ive always wanted to write children's books and develop a series so this is one of the hats I'm throwing into the ring and poetry. Me and poetry had a fallout after grad school. I was scarred by my awful grad school experience at a school that will go unnamed. Writing became a chore, I wasnt inspired, it was just a poetic black hole. Eww. lol. I sound so dramatic, like Im on a teenage angst rant. Let me stop.
Anywho this is my goal for 2010, to write a book. If I could write my children's book and my book of poetry it would be a great feat but I will be proud if I write one and get it published. 2009 was an emotional year and I'm a gravedigger when it comes to emotions. Instead of purging I have been internalizing and fermenting my emotions into God knows what...maybe it will be unleashed on an unsuspecting stranger. Not sure.
This year Im trying to get past my resentment of 2009's events and make it work. I told myself in November, 2 mos after I lost my job, that if I did not get a job in 6 mos I would leave New York. I can't stay in one spot and be unproductive. I hate New York right now because things have not gone well since Ive been here. I would like to not be so jaded in my attidtude toward this city and actually enjoy it, but I cant do that until my finances are in order and I have a clear career path. Would I like to stay, yes. Partly, because I HATE living in WI!!! If I leave I would be going back to WI to regroup. And Im dreading this which is what makes each job rejection feel like a nail in my coffin.
In a perfect world I would be my own employer and I would be selling my talents (doesnt that sound like a hooker?) lol. Not what I meant. I would like to sell my jewelry, write, and be published...being creative is what makes me happy, its the only time I can be at ease. Now, I just have to figure out how to make this entrepeneur thing happen. 2010 has to be a better year. Im just sayin...
Technically, I'm a "writer" but I feel some hestitation in claiming that title because I have yet to have a published collection of my work on the shelves...except for some magazine articles. Its probably the fear of rejection, its rather hard to put yourself out there for critique when you are your worst critic. Now I know, how else do I expect to get put out there unless I put myself out there but rejection is something that has always been hard for me.
I have time on my hands...so to speak, so what better time than to build my jewelry inventory and work on a book. Ive always wanted to write children's books and develop a series so this is one of the hats I'm throwing into the ring and poetry. Me and poetry had a fallout after grad school. I was scarred by my awful grad school experience at a school that will go unnamed. Writing became a chore, I wasnt inspired, it was just a poetic black hole. Eww. lol. I sound so dramatic, like Im on a teenage angst rant. Let me stop.
Anywho this is my goal for 2010, to write a book. If I could write my children's book and my book of poetry it would be a great feat but I will be proud if I write one and get it published. 2009 was an emotional year and I'm a gravedigger when it comes to emotions. Instead of purging I have been internalizing and fermenting my emotions into God knows what...maybe it will be unleashed on an unsuspecting stranger. Not sure.
This year Im trying to get past my resentment of 2009's events and make it work. I told myself in November, 2 mos after I lost my job, that if I did not get a job in 6 mos I would leave New York. I can't stay in one spot and be unproductive. I hate New York right now because things have not gone well since Ive been here. I would like to not be so jaded in my attidtude toward this city and actually enjoy it, but I cant do that until my finances are in order and I have a clear career path. Would I like to stay, yes. Partly, because I HATE living in WI!!! If I leave I would be going back to WI to regroup. And Im dreading this which is what makes each job rejection feel like a nail in my coffin.
In a perfect world I would be my own employer and I would be selling my talents (doesnt that sound like a hooker?) lol. Not what I meant. I would like to sell my jewelry, write, and be published...being creative is what makes me happy, its the only time I can be at ease. Now, I just have to figure out how to make this entrepeneur thing happen. 2010 has to be a better year. Im just sayin...
2 comments:
We should have talked more last year I think. We were ships passing in the night it sounds like. I'm sitting here reading your blog nodding like, yep, yep, and yep.
I was watching my annual Lord of the Rings-athon last week and in the end, Frodo was finishing his memoirs about having to save the world and I burst into tears at this line (don't mind me, I can't watch the first seven minutes of "Up" either without bawling, or the end of "The Last Unicorn), anyway....this quote sort of dug at me: “How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back. There are some things that time can not mend. Some hurts that go too deep... that have taken hold.”
I was like, right! Frodo just gets it! And I have no comforting words to give you right now like, Oh, WI is not that bad, or Somebody will hire you, because I hated hearing that last year. It was like, you shutup dummy! You don't know! (Sorry Mom).
All I can say is, solidarity. What I can do is help you promote the hell out of your amazing jewelry. I'm tryna see you be the Carol's Daughter of accessories. We gotta get you on Oprah. I don't care if Paul Mooney calls her a double agent. She holds the keys to the world! Lol...I can offer to share every single agent and literary blog I've come across in the children's book market, and an unbiased second set of eyes when it's time to edit.
Loveyerguts!
xo,
Bianca
Lmao@ Bianca. Aww I miss you!
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