Go to bed!

Surprisingly, I am still up. I was trying to write a poem but my head aint right for that right now. I need to tho. I have purge this negative energy like something fierce. But I hate to have it come out like an I hate men poem cuz I hate those poems. How many stanzas do you need to say "he aint shit" or "fuck him". Thats 2 lines max. Anything beyond that takes you to bitter chick realm and its ugly there...very ugly. Words dont even make sense in that realm, you end up sounding like an old wicken speaking in a anciet tongue. Naw eff that. I got a poem about it but, need to let it gestate in my thoughts a bit so it makes sense...and serves its purpose to vent out whats going on in my head.

Since being laid off Ive noticed the migration of my sleep patterns from that of a normal 28 year old to that of a retiree. Its not a good look. Seriously, Im now tired and ready to call it a night at like 10:30-11p and then I wake up at 6 or 7am. To do what? Begin the wonderful task of job hunting and errand running. lol. I know what you're thinkin...what errands does she have?...ummm...she aint got no job. I GOT ERRANDS DAMMIT! Shoooo....I got thangs to do.

Anyway today/yesterday, whateva, was a rough day. Emotionally. Im trying. trying, trying to be upbeat and hopeful in my quest for uemployment but emails that tell me the positions have already been filled, without so much as a call for an interview...umm..little disheartening. In my head Im like ok, that wasnt the job for you, keep lookin. It's all right. Then I get emails like the one I just read that say "We had over 600 applicants" 600??? Wtf!!! How am I going to get seen competing with over 600 people? Shit! I have to step my application and response game up or something. Make a muffin basket to send to the Human Resources Department. Im grasping at straws here folks.

Excuse the self loathing tone of this entry...actually no, Im not going to excuse it. This shit is ridiculous. Im fuckin frustrated at this whole process. I know other people are going thru it too which pisses me off even more. I wouldnt wish this experience on anyone. A part of me is kicking myself for not jetting when I had the chance. I was seriously considering relocating back to Ghana for a while, like 6mos to a year for starters. But then I started to feel like I wasnt giving New York that much of a chance. Hmm...I dont know about that though. 3 1/2 yrs and I have a master's degree to show for it...which along with the value of the dollar has little to no value in the job world, Im coming to find out. I should mention I have yet to even pick the shit up from the alumni office at school. So yes part of me wants to expatriate to Ghana for a while and just take a break from the states for a while. But this process would include me going back to school for my teacher's certificate to teach in Ghana. They are mad strict in Ghana BUT they hook their teachers up. Housing...pay you in dollars...SWEET! So, Im actually letting that marinate. Teacher's certificate is what a year to get? I have 2 yrs left on my lease...hmm. Exodus might be the best thing to plan for right now. Who's to say what I really want is even here in the States. Im just sayin...

Go to bed!