lol. Yea right. Thats what it feels like. So ive decided to venture into the 7th circle of hell, also known as the Blog world. I seem to have alot to write about so I figured why not chronicle the ridiculous ramblings of my mind for all to see muhahahahahahaaaa...cough cough. Scuse me. Yes so this is merely a release for me...for now. A way for me to get life's gripes off my chest. Some of the things I write might be funny (i hope so), might be depressing(sorry but thats life), some might offend (umm...so what) But seriously chill out...its a freakin blog. I was wondering how much is too much to divulge. I mean I dont want people passing me on the street like "Chile, that girl is not stable...did you read her blog? She needs Jesus." So Im going to cheq myself on the regular. But I dont mind sharing...in generous moderation.
So, Ive been on my workout regime for about 4 weeks now. Im starting to gain in endurance for the grind but the hardest part is dragging my ass out of the house all the way to union sq. to go to the gym. That is a workout in itself. Im in laid off mode which includes a little self loathing and depression so the effort to workout is really a monumental feat. I just have to think of the rewards. Better health and cheaper clothes (big girls you know) It's like the stores are trying to punish us for using extra fabric. I get it. EFX machine it is. Im beginning to see the results of my labor though, which is all the encouragement one needs to stick with a workout plan. Unfortunately when I lose weight its always in my face first. Its like the incredible shrinking head. Like someone is actually going to be like. "ooh Claudia your cheekbones are lookin slender girl, how do you do it? Or your nostrils are coming down real nice" lol. (In my J. J. Evans' voice) "Well uh you know...what can I say hehehe." For real the small head big bah-dee gyal syndrome is so not cool.
So Im in the midst of getting over someone. (OH NO SHE DI-INT!!!!) Yep I went there in a blog. Yes I did. Not like I put a name out there. Besides, what else is this thing for if not to emotionally purge. So like I was saying Im getting over someone, and Im trying so hard to be optimistic that there is life after failed love. But, hmmm...that LEAVE ME ALONE mug (aka castration face) has started to come out automatically in public, like Wolverine claws. For example this one cat was trying to play eye tag with me on the train today and I cut him the look. Game over...I win! ( Clean up in car 9 please) Anyway I really am trying to be above it but yall know how hard it is. You pass things that make you remember, you replay the last convo you had, you re-read txts messages, then you get mad all over again. Or you see a man that you think looks alot like him...from a distance...on the side view...if you squint... or alternate eyes. Ok, maybe not. But its a process right? All a part of the healing. Trust, I love brothas way too much to stay mad at all of them. And well er uh...a sista does have needs. hmmm...(flashback) Oh, where was I... Fuk em! Yeah especially the ones with locs...lookin all natural and Sexcellently Shango-esque. uumm...where was I? Oh yeah ...fuggit yall (love you)
But for real right now I need to concentrate on myself. There are some things that this past "association" has brought to light about me and how I relate to men. A little internal, emotional cleaning is due right about now. Which means male sabbatical. Yes. for now it's necessary. Its in building myself up after being hurt that makes me stronger the next go around. lol. Ugh, I hate that Dr. Phil bull___. I could barely type that out. But the therapeutic route is necessary for a full fledged cynic like myself. Im just sayin....
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